Mind Your Language.

Why do we as Kenyans so hung up on peoples accent until our entire comedy industry is based on just merely mimicking accents from different communities around the country. I have always wondered if Kenyans have got a unique Kenyan accent like South Africans, Nigerians or Ugandans that is because we are so diverse. Even for a city born person like me I find myself occassionally slipping in a kimeru shrub once in a while. Whenever I go upcountry my cousins and aunties are always teasing me on my pathetic mothertounge which I keep on mixing up with Kikuyu. Many times we try and guess where people come from by how they speak but with all the intermarriages and a generation that can barely speak their mother tounges I forsee that ability to differentiate kenyans slowly disappearing.

I got this forward from my bro’ which made me laugh!
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English.

  • “In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c” . Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
  • There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
  • In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
  • By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
  • During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi blriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

e drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted inze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

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I used to think that I was very poor, but after visiting this website I had to change my mind. Just try it yourself by entering your annual salary and see where you lie in the global rich list.

Definetely food for thought!

Kenyan Ethnic Montage

In the last 2 weeks I have had to defend twice myself from accusations that as a person from the slopes of Mt. Kenya I must be one of the people who are the “eating” and that we are members of a certain infamous Mafia. I would normally take great exception to such notions since there is no evidence whatsoever that I have personally benefited in an extraordinary way as a result of my ethnic heritage but since it is the nature of Kenyans these days to label persons due to where they come from I can only rack my brains and try and understand why?
It bothers me why it is that we are so quick to stereotype the negatives about certain ethnic communities while there is all evidence that any vice or unfavourable trait is evenly distributed in the population. Does it mean that there are no positive attributes in other communities which we do not come from?
It is with this background that I wish to share this Montage that I came across which extols some positive values of a few Kenyan communities. I hope I don’t offend any one out there because I believe in the saying that “If you cannot laugh at yourself then you should not laugh at others”

The Perfect Kenyan should have:

  • The Entrepreneurship of a Kikuyu
  • The Sophistication of a Luo
  • The Perseverance of a Kamba
  • The Eloquence of a Mswahili
  • The Generosity of a Nandi
  • The Honesty of a Luhya
  • The Courage of a Maasai
  • The Contentedness of a Meru
  • The Wit of a Mtaita
  • The Fleet foot of a Kalenjin

There are no doubt many other positive things we could share with each other because all this bits and pieces from all the different communities are what make up the collective Kenyan Identity.

On a lighter note here is the Montage of a Perfect Kenyan Woman

The Ultimate Kenyan Mama should have:

  • The Lustrous Hair of a Somali
  • The Radiant Face of a Borana
  • The Bountiful Thighs of a Luhya
  • The Generous Booty of a Luo
  • The Scintillating Hips of a Kamba
  • The Determined Confidence of a Kikuyu
  • The Patient Loyalty of a Meru
  • The Mouthwatering Cooking skills of a Mswahili
  • The Cool Demenour of a Nandi
  • The Flawless complexion of a Taita
  • The Elegant Poise of a Maasai

If there is one out there with all these qualities please Holla!!

Tweaking

Caelai sai o ai eis talaer Cosostae
Sor air ei vyr ail si Aelor Jhalendri
ailosaer shia si Jhys os Si Vol

Hello to you all my name is Kirima
This post is written in elvish
Inspired by the Lord of Rings

I have just finished tweaking my template to suit my favorite theme which is inspired by The Lord of the Rings Trilogy which counts as my favorite movie. (I actually own the Extended Edition 12 disk Boxset) I thought of frustating all my readers by doing the entire post in Elvish or even worse in Tengwar the Elven script used by Tolkien in his books but mercifully I do not have the patience of painstakingly translating them word by word nor am I that Evil.
After a hard evenings work I must now retire to my quiet peaceful home for ‘dinner’ then ‘supper’ (not as peaceful as the Shire)

“One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them
One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them”